Creeping Apprehension of an Uptight Undergrad
Is that innate dubiety of the value of your tertiary education intermittent?

A random blog entry by Jin Kook, an immoderately insecure, pessimistic and paranoid university undergraduate

Friday, December 10, 2006

Sometimes, it seems like my future is far from brilliant.

Watching the number of private (and even public) universities sprouting like lawless wild mushrooms both locally and regionally, my knees cannot help but quiver. On seeing the number of unemployed undergrads on a rise, my eyebrows cannot help but twitch uncontrollably.

So, are these signs of utter bleakness of my future? Are fellow graduates out to bring me down? Apparently, university certification does not guarantee a solid rice bowl at a prestigious multi-national conglomerate. Since the post-war generation has very much prospered in terms of intelligence quotient as well as ability to excel in academic performances, hitherto leading to over-production of academically distinguished individuals with knowledge in a common field. The public sector is no longer adept to take in every single graduate. In simpler terms, not every graduate would get their desired job as the supply exceeds the demand for these workers. The prevalent influx of foreign talents and job mismatch adds to the menacing competition in the job market. The heat is on, and it is said that employers no longer judge graduates by the degree certs they acquire, but their external achievements and experiences in life. Whoever said that good grades are tantamount to a warranty for gratifying job prospects?

Lecturers in school never cease to remind us on the accession of our personal portfolios, while success-at-interviews workshops are usually received by overwhelming student response. If that brittle sheet of academic certification does not grant me entry to reverie, but instead, seen by employers as a stark measure of my ability to retain facts in examinations, am I not as vulnerable and placed in my most assailable disposition? What then, insures my path ahead? All I know is that I would have to work superfluously hard to gain more exposure and experience in the working world so as to outshine my peers, apart from the struggle to clinch the best grades in school academia. My oh my.

Sometimes, journey through university education resembles that of a ride on a long and winding road.

Variance in interests and distinctions between grades have separated my childhood friends and I. My best friends in secondary school and junior college are no longer by my side, all thanks to the public 'filtration system of minds'. i.e. 'A' levels scoring system. Memories from the good old days breeds nostalgia and heightens the fear of being all alone in campus. It is downright daunting as I notice the significant decline in number of people dining with me each day. Oh why have I observed such an upsetting trend in my social life! Yes, I do have newly befriended faculty mates for company, but do we associate with each other solely for the sake of companionship during school lectures and tutorials? I do not know. It is to my dismay to see these new friends disperse in all directions when classes end. What about the establishing of genuine, sturdy human relationships that I was looking forward to? Is that all friendship is going to be about, through the years of my tertiary education?

Worst of all, I am not getting any younger. If age continues to leave traces on my youthful face, I am going to be left on the shelf indubitably. Being single before entering NS was definitely not part of my plan. At that juncture of my life, I had already foresee myself in a helpless and rare spot as a single-and-available bachelor in university. I was right indeed, as 8 out of 10 students are neither single nor available. The search for my perfect match is going to be an arduous task. I know if I do not find a soul mate now, chances are I'll have to spend the rest of my life deprived of romantic love. Since I'm as good as penniless, living on my parent's wealth, gloom looms as I know no girl would entrust their future on me. Sad.

Sometimes, I think I would be richer if I opted for work instead of studies.

I see the bills coming in every month. Each new semester equates a new season for spending. Cost of textbooks, lecture notes, computer programs for upgrades affirms one truth- knowledge is free, but education comes with a premium price tag. Due to the inaccessibility of the school, transportation cost snowballs to a fairly big sum too. Things would not be much better if I were to stay in the hostel, because I would have to settle each meal on my own when I could enjoy a sumptuous family meal at home instead. I guess it is time to get a part-time job to finance the unavoidable spendings. Much to my despair, workload is often bountiful to the extent of taking up all the time I have for myself. I would need a better physique to counter the stress and extra duties which I have compounded onto myself in school, even before handling a job.

If only I possess the physical and mental strength, I would have adequate savings by the time I exit university. I would have capital for investments, for purchasing financial assets, and even for my wedding ( that's if I can find a partner soon). Looks like the sky's all gloomy for me. Gosh.

Sometimes, school and work gets so hectic, it feels like I have been phased out of life itself.

The vicious cycle of mundane school work never ceases until term breaks. Through all the hustle and bustle, I feel displaced. The pace of life accelerates, and I cannot help but feel lost due to my failure to keep up with news, trends, and life. Trends cease before I envisage them. I feel so left out when my friends chat about the latest gossips in school, for I'm always one of the last to be informed. Each time I watch those glamorously clad guys and girls go by, I marvel at their conscientious effort in pursuing the vogue. I never fail to mock at my caveman dressing and feel abandoned by the ever-changing world of fashion evolution. Technological advancements also progress quickly, from modems to wireless connections, from mp3 players to ipods. University peers seem to stand on the front-lines of the augmenting IT trends, and I definitely don't fit in well among them. Clearly, the world spins faster than the pace which I run.

Well, life gets so hectic that I miss having time for myself- leisurely reading that book by my favourite author, contemplating on the activities I can do during the weekend. Ever since I've entered school, the bulk of my time are spent on group meetings for projects and discussion about school work. It's work, work, work and MORE work compiling each day. Stringent deadlines for work submission, tough exam ogres to combat, extra duties and involvements in school. It all ties me down and prevents my mind from wandering anywhere else. I always thought that university education should be more flexible if not stimulating than the 12 years of prior education. Who would have expected this astoundingly brisk speed of lifestyle?

It feels like I have traded all my freedom for an education potential of taking over my life.

Sometimes, I feel that having a place in university is way overrated.

Since there are an increasing number of graduates each year, education in university is no longer THAT far-fetched. With stress level perpetually high, the disorientated looks on haggard faces of my peers tell me that life in university does not revolve round sheer glamour but lingering woes.

SIGH.

[Note : The name of this neurotic university blogger has been changed to protect his unduly vulnerable identity. Any similar references/ sentiments is purely coincidental. ]