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Sex in the university
by Aaron Ng, NUS
 

 

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"Excuse me, no sex in school please because we are undergraduates." When was the last time we hear our friends swearing by their resolve to abstain from sex on campus? We found out that abstinence from sex is almost non-existent at the National University of Singapore (NUS). Love is everywhere from the greens along Kent Ridge to the rooftops of major buildings.

Hop along as we stumble upon the most condusive make-out spots in NUS. If you are unfortunately caught with your pants down after reading this story, do not quote us.

Kent Ridge Road

Sweat-Before-The-Act:

10/10

Leading up to a hilly top, Kent Ridge Road is usually deserted and probably unknown to many students. It stretches from the back of LT4 at the Faculty of Engineering to South Bouna Vista Road. By the time you get to the top of the hill, you should be panting madly and sweating non-stop even before the real thing.

Sex-tisfaction Factor: 3/10
Two popular spots are identified. One is to dive into the bushes and the other is to break into one of the unused houses. Either way, it is probably not going to be comfortable. If you want to do it in the houses, make sure it is unused or you might end up bursting into someone's office. Even if it is unused, look out for spirits and ghosts. Don't say we did not warn you.

Climax-Ability: 10/10
A stretch of this road offers a nice view of the harbour. The vegetation is thick and in its most original state. Therefore, the whole place offers a nice back to nature feel.

Caught With Pants Down Risk:

3/10
Except for the few staff who use this road to get to their offices that are scattered randomly along the road, Kent Ridge Road is deserted most times of the day and night. As long as you steer away from occupied offices, there is almost no risk of being caught. However, be warned that there are security cameras installed along the road, so keep any hanky panky off the road.

Mozzie Attack Probability:

10/10
Be prepared to face the wrath of commando mozzies. You are advised to apply insect repellent and burn at least two mosquito coils before you start.
   

Sports and Recreation Centre (SRC) Shower Cubicles

Sweat-Before-The-Act:

1/10

All buses serving NUS go past SRC. You should almost definitely arrive in comfort. No sweat before the act!

Sex-tisfaction Factor: 5/10
The shower cubicle is spacious and can comfortably accommodate two people. The only discomfort is that couples have to do it standing up.

Climax-ability: 5/10
Literally do it under a hot shower. That should up the climax factor for many couples.

Caught With Pants Down Risk:

8/10
The noise generated by the shower head will drown out cries of passion. Refrain from excessive action and frequent banging on the cubicle walls or you will attract lots of harmone raging bathers peeping from under the door.

Mozzie Attack Probability:

1/10
Mozzies are noticeably absent from shower rooms.
   

Other Toilet Cubicles

Sweat-Before-The-Act:

1/10

Toilet cubicles can be found everywhere in NUS, so you will never ever have to break into a sweat looking for one.

Sex-tisfaction Factor: 4/10
Unfortunately, toilet cubicles are cramped. You are unable to maneuver comfortably without banging your head, arm or leg on the walls and door. You might want to consider the more spacious handicapped toilet. But being the considerate students we should all be, please do not keep handicapped students in the queue and let them use the toilet first. And, no, do not dump your used condoms into the sanitary waste bin.

Climax-ability: 1/10
Enough said. Toilet cubicles are too boring. What's so interesting about narrow cubicles and plastic walls with a big bowl in the middle?

Caught With Pants Down Risk:

10/10
You'll never know if anyone is in the cubicle next to yours. Unless you can mute yourself and minimise movement, you are so going to be caught. Of course, you can make all the noise that you want in a toilet cubicle during the wee hours of the morning and not get caught, provided that the campus security guard is not relieving himself next door.

Mozzie Attack Probability:

1/10
Just like shower rooms. mozzies are noticeably absent from toilet cubicles.
   

Hall Rooms

Sweat-Before-The-Act:

1/10

As long as you do not stay in Prince George Park (PGP) Residences, you seldom have to break a sweat to get to your room. The only upshot about PGP is that you can buy condoms at Georgie's Mart. Then again, the NUS Co-op sells them too.

Sex-tisfaction Factor: 10/10
The hall room is the most comfortable. You can shower before and after sex. And, you have the luxury of doing it on a comfortable bed.

Climax-ability: 3/10
How appealing can four walls and a window get? Prepare to spice up your room with exotic palm tree wallpaper to improve the ambience.

Caught With Pants Down Risk:

1/10
The risk of getting caught is almost zero, unless (1) you don't like to draw the blinds and (2) you can't keep your noise level down. There have been reports of live sex shows in PGP as well as "squealers" in Temasek Hall. You are advised to draw the blinds and lower the volume at all times.

Mozzie Attack Probability:

3/10
PGP is known to be a hotbed for mosquitoes. If you can stand the heat generated from all the passion, shutting all windows might be a good idea. Warning: do not suffocate.
   

Rooftop of Central Library

Sweat-Before-The-Act:

2/10

Ranked as the top make-out spot, the only sweat before your act is probably due to the climb up a short flight of stairs. Then again, if you can't even climb stairs, are you sure you are able to handle the strenuous activities that follow?

All buses stop by the Central Library. Just climb up the short flight of stairs opposite the main entrance and you reach the rooftop! If you like, cool yourself down in the air-conditioned library first.


Sex-tisfaction Factor: 5/10
Some might find it uncomfortable making out on the cold and hard cement floor. It is recommended that you bring your own mattress. In fact, we have uncovered mattresses and used condoms at the rooftop.

Climax-ability: 10/10
Where else in campus allows you to make out under the stars, with a fantastic view of the harbour as backdrop and cool breeze caressing your face? This is the experience we so yearn for, or your money back.

Caught With Pants Down Risk:

10/10
The rooftop is so accessible that you won't know who might pop by. It might be a pair of fellow lovebirds, or campus security. Then again, the whole thrill and adventure about doing it in public is getting close to getting caught and yet not get caught, isn't it?

Mozzie Attack Probability:

5/10
Mozzies are probable mood dampeners because of thick vegetation behind the library, so you might want to consider mosquito coils or the insect repellent.
   

Did we miss out any great make-out spots? Send your ideas to pressroom@funkygrad.com


 
 
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